From an early age our bodies’ automatic response to threats, danger or fear is to seek protection. Throughout a lifetime many of us experience so much internal stress, emotional or physical pain and trauma that we have become experts at shielding ourselves from the external world. The shielding process starts already when we are very young. To be rejected by our parents as a child, for example, is very painful. We will do whatever it takes to avoid feeling this pain, and instead end up feeling numb. To many of us - feeling nothing is better than feeling pain.
Because of this phenomena, many people slowly loose contact with their own body. Tensions become so deeply ingrained in us, and in turn we get so good at sedating ourselves that we can no longer identify the body’s internal emotions, stress and pain. Even when our body says “stop”, we don’t get it, because we are too numb. This is a very common thing that I see this in my daily life working with different kinds of bodies, in the sessions where I work with trigger points or de-armouring. The body is resisting the physical pain, but the mind doesn´t register it. This may be why so many of us struggle with having healthy boundaries.
The intention of de-armouring is to re-establish contact with the body. The breath is used actively to open and release tensions that have accumulated over time, all while I methodically move from trigger-point to trigger-point all over the body. By letting go, trusting and staying vulnerable in the process, pain from old emotional wounds might surface. I work through layers of protection and when people surrender and let go, the shielding slowly dissipates. An awakening in the body and letting it express itself can be a very intense, even overwhelming experience.
By using trigger points and removing protection, in most cases blockages, the sexual life-energy is activated, and can now flow freely in the body. When numbness and emotional distress are released, we can return to what is believed to be our natural state of being; having sensitive bodies that are responsive to touch, a sense of playfulness and aliveness. It is how children are - natural in touch with their emotions and playful without shame. We are not born with shame, but the society tells us what is right and wrong, and we can create a belief system around that.
90% of my clients are men, and it is the de-armouring of the penis and anus which is the intimate part of the treatment. Most men are accustomed to masturbating in a way that contracts the energy inwards; the body and anus are tightened, eyes closed fantasising / watching porn. Masturbating faster and faster, pulling all the energy inwards, tightening the muscles more and even holding the breath for a moment before finally reaching the final goal: climax*.
In Tantra we inspire to do the opposite; to relax and pull the energy outwards. During the de-armouring of the penis, where it’s more of a “squeeze and hold” rather than using the trigger points. The result will often be the experience of a natural state of horniness. The men are totally relaxed and don’t feel the pressure of having to perform in any way. There is no goal, nothing to do.
A lot of fear and shame accumulates in and around anus. Many struggle with the notion of experiencing pleasure there, or have the idea that straight men don’t touch the ass.
To help men release these tensions I use breath, and work around the anus for approx. 15 minutes, while being supportive for the man to fully express himself and let go of emotions and blockages stored there. Many men are surprised about how good it feels, but it is also important to understand that it takes time and practice to build up sexual arousal in the ass. At the same time, to put a man into his feminine* and play with his ass, also gives him an imprint how it is to be a woman. So in the end he might become more sensitive and understanding, since he knows how it is to be vulnerable.
Ejaculation* is considered to be draining, and not recommended in the tantric school where I have my education. Men are encouraged to build and keep their sexual energy. Many spend the surplus of energy on family, wife, life purpose and exercise. The continuous flow of sexual energy also often results in deeper attraction between partners.
By practicing slow, relaxed sex with no-goal and no ejaculation, all men will, in my opinion, experience going gradually deeper with their partner, and becoming a better lover.