The Peak Orgasm


peak orgasm

We live in a world of addictions, no doubt about that. One of the strongest addictions on planet earth is, by some, claimed to be the Peak orgasm. The Peak Orgasm is the most familiar and most common orgasm we know. It can be recognized by the contractions of the bodily base and 4-5 seconds of intense pleasure.

Statistics show that men ejaculate more than 5000 times during a lifetime. Each time the man will realise up to 5ml (a tea spoon) of sperm. This “spoon” contains up to 500 million sperm cells. According to old Taoist tradition and the Tantric teachings, the sperm is pure life force and that men (and women) can learn how to contain this energy, and live a happier and longer lives without wasting this energy. A lot of men I know that have stopped ejaculating and have learned to achieve a continuous flow of sexual energy, report that they feel more attraction towards their partner, and that they have more energy in their daily life. They need less sleep and experience that they are more present at work or with their family.

I’m currently working with a client. He came to me because he had erection issues.  After putting him on a “diet” (which meant no ejaculation or no porn, but instead 15 minutes of tantric masturbation each day), he reported after a couple of days waking up with a hard-on on a more and more regular basis. He also started to feel more and more horniness in his body. After a couple of months, he reported that he for the first time in many years had sexual intercourse with his wife.

As we all know, sperm contains a lot of protein. And protein is the body´s building blocks. So, that is by saying, something we can build or create with. Actually we can create life with it!! ;-) It is therefore interesting to think of what could be created from the inside and out if we could learn how to conduct this life force energy. Cause why keep spilling it out again and again, draining your life-force energy?

Personally I never let anybody spill their sperm in me anymore. It does not serve me or them I believe. I repeat my example from a previous post:  A stressful day at work. The husband comes home and give the wife a quickie. After a few minutes he comes inside of her. He feels more relaxed now, but where did all that stress go?

Some people ask: Is it not dangerous not to come? Well, many doctors and studies are claiming that to hold back the ejaculation is not good, but on the other hand – The doctors that are reporting this is most likely one of those cummers anyway.  As an old Tantric tradition, non-ejaculation has been practiced for thousands of years. It is not dangerous.

During the tantric path, the practice is to avoid the peak (clit or ejaculation orgasm), and instead maintain the sexual energy. I also guess that one of the reasons why tantric sex is not more mainstream today is because the addiction for this peak-orgasm is too strong. But the reward to the men that actually have the motivation and discipline to do it, will give them longer, juicer and deeper sex in the long run, plus a more satisfied partner.

The peak orgasm in itself is very pleasurable. However, what is actually happening in the body when you ejaculate? Right after you had a peak orgasm, the sex drive goes down. From the minute before when you felt so intimate and close to your partner, all of a sudden, you want to be by yourself, or check on your phone etc., at least this is very common. The magic is gone, and the feeling of separation is getting bigger than before you came.

The primary purpose of a peak orgasm is basically to spread your genes. And also, biologically, with more than one. Therefore, it seems that nature has created this mechanism of separation right after a peak. There was actually an experiment done with rats where they put two rats together and let them fuck as long as they wanted. After a time, the male seemed to get a little tired of the female. Then they put another female inside, and all of a sudden the male felt “good to go” again. They kept putting in new females and it was stunning to see that the male could keep going with constant new partners. This is called the “Coolridge Effect”. In the long run, for most people living in a monogamous relationship, to keep having a Peak- Orgasm will create more separation and less attraction over time.

When you have a peak orgasm, the balance of neurotransmitters is being disrupted. This affects hormones such as dopamine, oxytocin, testosterone and prolactin. After an orgasm, we feel more relaxed but also more drained of energy. As a mentioned in a previous post, many people, especially women, use the peak orgasm as an energy realise or as a “sleeping pill”.

Many pro athletes don’t have sex before an important performance. What I think about that is probably not the sex that is the issue, but the orgasm which for most people are the meaning or goal of having sex.  So, they don’t ejaculate before a match. He or she will stay more focused and present, have more testosterone and be more clear!

After you had an orgasm we calculate the hormones to be out of balance for about 17 days (estimated is 21 days). That means, after you come you will find yourself in a state of, what we in my tantric school refers to as an “orgasm hangover”. So actually, since the time we started to ejaculate, most of us have never been out of this hangover because we are so addicted to it. Just look at children and compare to adults. Who are happier? To me it is obviously that children are happier, until they become teenagers and starts masturbate. Then they become grumpier and more irritated.

Anyway, taking the peak orgasm away, you can experience more relaxed sex with no goal. You can experience more intimacy with your partner  and gradually go deeper and become a better lover <3


To be continued...

Hi you all! It has been a busy start of 2018! Mistress is enjoying life very much and, at the same time, this is a year of expansion. More pictures, articles and videos will be posted. Mistress is taking the next step and will also be looking for pets that she can use in future videos and shoots..

stay tuned Pet! 


Photograph: Eivind Nilsen, - Clean Shot Photography



Conscious Cock

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Cocks come in many shapes and sizes; Big, small, thin, thick, brown, white, banana shaped, and all other possible combinations. Breasts and butts on a woman are also different; small breasts and big bums can be as good as a large bosoms and flat heinies. I’m not saying that a small cock feels similar to a large one, but the latter is not necessarily better. It’s as you have heard many times before – it’s the way it’s used that counts. And that’s where the consciousness comes into the game.

Do you love your cock? Many men don’t. Just as women measure each other’s tits and asses, men are concerned with their cocks. Many men don’t know what “normal” is, simply because they might not look at each other that often after they reach adulthood. If a man looks at another man’s cock for more than a fraction of a second, one might suspect he is gay – and most straight men don’t want to risk that. Another contributing factor could be due to porn and the unrealistic expectations that follow.

One thing that concerns a man more than the size and looks of their cock and balls, is whether it will be erect when he wants it to, or not. If it does not, most men disappear into their heads, contract and suffocate in shame, fear and performance anxiety.

The size and shape is in fact of minor importance. In Tantra, friction and erections are less of a big deal. But consciousness is! The erection is not worth much if the man lacks presence, direction and firmness. As an advanced tantric woman I can enjoy a hard and rough fuck, but first of all it is the feeling of being penetrated - to harbour a cock inside me - that is the root of the pleasure.

Less is more. Often the horniest moments occur when a man is simply relaxing inside me, just observing and being present with me, and giving me room to express myself. In Tantra we aim to do everything 20% slower than what we are used to, and the man - or masculine* should try to stay 20% less than the feminine in arousal and intensity.

Just to be very clear; when I use the term man or woman, I most often refer to the masculine and the feminine. Just bear that in mind when you continue reading.

In other words, I believe it is the responsibility of the masculine to give the feminine space to expand and express herself; to let go and become more and more horny and slutty until she begs for more cock. Sadly, many men collapse into their own horniness, running over the woman without leaving space for her to flower in her own way. After all, the feminine essence is longing to be held, cared for and nourished.

Based on these simple principles; slowing down, holding space, giving the feminine room to blossom, and not collapse into own desire -  the man will become much more conscious about how to penetrate his partner.

To add onto that, he can talk to her. The feminine is very auditive, and loves that the man takes the lead. That is the feminine essence – to be guided, because the feminine needs direction. If he can talk, guide and lead her from a safe, loving and conscious place in himself - she will surrender and give herself to him. This will not happen if she senses that he is not fully present, absent minded, unsure about what he wants etc. If he pretends to be with her, but isn’t really, she will notice it right away. There’s no use in trying to fake it.

Men who have experienced how it feels to be in the receiving end, or in their feminine, have a much clearer consciousness around what it feels like for the woman to be penetrated. A man that understands what goes on in the woman can also guide her deeper.

When I sense that kind of consciousness in a man I can relax even more, trusting that he most likely will not collapse into his instincts and need for ejaculation or become goal-orientated.

An example of an unconscious way a man uses his cock is coming home from work with a lot of stress in his body, and dumps it all on his woman by fucking her 5 minutes over the kitchen sink. He’ll experience a much wanted release on his own part, and for a while feels relaxed. In a unconscious way she may be left feeling abused and abandoned.

But what happened to the stress he brought home? Didn’t he just transfer it to her? Maybe her vagina not only receives the physical connection during sex, but also the energetic aspect. If so, she may end up storing his stress in her vagina, and because of this the vagina starts to protect itself from this, and ends up shielded and contracted.

Ejaculating men are focused on release and pleasure for themselves, and mostly concerned about getting what they want. Men with conscious cocks are concerned about how to serve their partner, with no aim or goal. There is nothing to achieve, no climax to aim for. It’s only about holding the space, physically and mentally, for the feminine to expand and explore itself. And doing that is also immensely satisfying and pleasurable for the man. For what more can a man wish for than experiencing the happy, horny woman, fully open in response to his presence?

I have been practicing almost exclusively with tantric men these last years. Having sexual interaction with non-tantric men occasionally really put these differences into perspective. In my experience the non-tantric men often want to prove something, for the woman or themselves, without tuning much into the woman.

I’m not saying that non-tantric men can’t be a good fuck. They can! But there is so much more to explore both for the man and the woman when there is a conscious cock involved. Tantra is a lot more than “just a conscious cock”, and requires a lot of practice.

Today’s women have a lot of pussy-power, and very high sexual value. In Tantra it is almost the other way around. A conscious cock in the tantric world has everything to do with what I have explained here; slowing down, having no goals, and feeling into the woman with the intention to serve her. A man with a conscious cock feels safer to me. He will not abandon me for the sake of pleasing himself.

Polarity - Masculine vs Feminine

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When I explain the concept of masculine and feminine polarity, I often ask people to imagine a container, i.e. a bucket or a bowl; a sort of masculine frame designed to hold and keep the feminine liquid safely inside, where it can flow and splash and express herself freely.

The masculine can also be seen as the observer - an overview, a structure, a plan, the immaterial. It can also be described as endless, timeless, stillness, nothingness and presence. It is what guides, leads, organizes and penetrates.

The feminine, on the other hand, is everything that is; fullness, nature, colour, weather. It’s emotions, expressions, love and care.

But, these are just qualities and has nothing to do with being a man or a woman - it’s simply two opposites. This is polarity. We all have both feminine and masculine qualities in us. The masculine qualities in a woman doesn’t make her “manly” any less than the feminine qualities in a man makes him less of a man.

So, what is it that the feminine in a woman finds most attractive in a man? Women, it seems, measure how attractive the man is according to his masculine presence. The more present he is for her, the more attractive she will find him.

Women look for depth in a man, another way to describe presence. Someone who can stand there in the storm with her. Qualities that allow her to feel held and to feel safe. Because the woman can only go as deep as the man can hold her in her feminine surrender. The bigger the container, the more liquid (the feminine expression) it can hold.

My Tantra teacher once told me:” The feminine bliss is to be able to test the men, and having them not collapse.” The women are most of the time actually trying to get the best out of the men, but sometimes it comes out in a bit nasty way. This can be referred to as the feminine drama*.

I have made an illustration that shows that the more masculine presence a man has, the more feminine flavours he can embrace. This can’t actually be measured in a diagram, but this indicates how it works.

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Again, the masculine and the feminine are qualities, found in both men and women in greater or lesser amounts, on different levels, and both men and women express them in different ways.

Just as women seek depth and presence in men, men seek variety in women. The more flavours a woman can express, the more attractive she will be to her partner. It is good to have a lot of mother energy as a woman, but if a woman only expresses that quality, it might be a bit boring for the man in the long run.

On my own tantric journey, I have investigated as many feminine flavours as possible, to own and accept them. Some are easier to embrace than others, and some are burdened with a lot of suspiciousness, fear and projections.

In my tantric school we work on our sexual de-conditioning. That can bring up some fear, which we also work on so that we can go places we have never been before, sexually and emotionally. It’s only when we dare step out of our comfort zones that we can grow and expand as individuals. The women are given the opportunity to live out flavours of the feminine that might not be accepted by the society. However, they are still there and need to be expressed fully!

The next illustration I made shows the variety of some feminine flavours. Starting on the left you have the more innocent and virgin like flavours, all the way to the wilder and more forbidden flavours on the right.

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We see how these flavours or energies distribute on the horizontal span in this diagram. We start with the virgin, the mother and the school girl. All these are in the green zone; accepted and welcomed by society. But when it comes, the wild woman, the prostitute and the slut, these are loaded with taboo and are in the red zone.

From an early age girls are told that they can’t dress in certain ways, that we must not be challenging, demanding or wild, but rather nice, good girls. It seems like many women have this longing of letting go, and exploring their wilder side. There is research on the most common fantasies amongst women dating back tp the 1970’s, where 4 out of 10 women admit to having rape fantasies. This doesn’t mean actually wanting to be raped, but wanting to be ravished, taken, and brought in to the deeper layers of surrender, which is the quintessential quality of the feminine.

It’s the whore and Madonna complex; the contrast of the good girl and the divine slut. Many men love the wild animal. But many men are also scared of strong, independent women.

Again, polarity is two opposites; masculine and feminine. Sometimes, men and women switch between who is the more masculine and feminine. This can happen naturally, but we can also practice this consciously. This is a way to gain more awareness, to grow and expand, thus gaining more understanding for each other.

Putting yourself in the position of the other will help you feel more compassion, and make you a more aware lover. The man will learn to let go of control and experience how vulnerable it feels to let go .He will notice how acutely important it is for the feminine (in him) to feel the masculine presence (from her). And she will understand what it means to be the masculine space-holder, and how important it is that she (in her masculine) takes firm charge and presents herself with clarity and compassion.

In Tantra we talk about the feminine as energy. And this energy can drop. So if the man is always in his masculine, he might end up drained or feel a lack of energy. The only way he will get back on track, is to be charged through his feminine.

Many of my clients are high profiled men with a lot of responsibility, very much in their masculine. It seems logic to me that this is the reason why so many men in higher positions seek a place where they can be guided and re-charged by surrendering and letting go.

It does not mean that he has to get fucked in the ass (even though I believe that is the fastest way to re-charge him), but also just to allow himself not to do anything. To simply receive a massage, take a bath, walk in the forest and so on.

In my profession I am the one taking charge; leading, commanding, demanding and taking responsibility, so that the client, male or female, can totally let go of having to “do” or perform, and express himself/herself freely in the feminine.